I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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