I can text with my tongue
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
