Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think my nap took me to another dimension
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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