her vagine was all disorganized.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
