Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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