none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
