im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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