is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
