Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
