Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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