How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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