I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He better not be in your backpack
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
