i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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