rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
