Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
