it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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