well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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