I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
