blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
