Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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