yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
