We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
