I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If that was your dad, he is hot
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
