told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
