I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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