Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
