Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
