I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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