Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
God, I missed his penis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
