Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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