you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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