i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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