Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
God, I missed his penis.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
