Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
