woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I want her autograph on my taint
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
