Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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