I'm so fucking centered right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
