i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Someone came in the potted fern
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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