I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
