I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
