Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
