just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
