my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
