im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
