I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
