I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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