i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
