9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
