I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
