but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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