Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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