i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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