You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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